Saturday, March 31, 2012

...sunlight fills her up...

this is a magical beast
 that holds the secret of light & shadow
 in a safe place in her heart
 & when it has been too long grey,
 she starts to dance 
& laugh & cry & sing
 & the sunlight fills her up
 & spills in wild abandon
 back into the world again

blue's resting spot.
just off the deck.
we will continue to share mornings .
just not the same way we use to.
just BE.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

...a gift...

a gift from daughter sarah...
and the crying continues.
thank you sunshine.

blue's human momma.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

...facts about blue...

things to know about blue.
1. he loved to play hide and seek. he would have you chase him into a room and then you were to run back and hide.  then he would sneak out from his hiding spot and come find you.  it was great fun and it keep us both entertained for quite awhile.
2. that's number two. what kind of cat wants to spend that amount of time with you playing hide and seek?!!
3. he loved wrestling with his big brother matthew. like actual bat at each other, roll on the floor wrestling.
4.  he would greet you every morning with a sound of brrttt. saying good morning to him was great but you better finish up in the bathroom so you could go find what he wanted.
5. most of the time what he wanted was for you to finish emptying your you would put down the toilet seat cover, so that he could jump up on it, to the counter and wait for you to fill the sink with water so he could get a drink. (he had a water dish in the kitchen...but always preferred this ritual.)
he would patiently wait for you to brush your teeth, just hanging out on the side of the sink, for you to fill the sink with just enough water so that when he stepped in he wouldn't get his paws wet.
6. he was the lassy of the cat world. he had a wonderful language.  he would come and brrrtt at you until he got your attention. he was quite persistent until you got up to investigate his need.
one night, i wasn't giving him enough satisfaction so he went down to get dad in the mancave.  he made his noises at brian.  brian asked him what he needed.  did he want into brother kiel's room-no. they came upstairs. did he want a treat-no. to the dining room. did he want to go outside-no. down the hallway to our bedroom. YES that's what he wanted.  he brought brian to our bedroom to get his sissy out of his window because he wanted up there.  he even hopped up on the bed and put his feet up on the wall.
7. he would sit on the kids laps while they were eating their cereal and wait for them to finish so he could get a slurp of milk. he loved late night raids of the kitchen with brother kiel.
8.  he loved, loved, loved being outdoors. he hated the winter.  he looked forward to the snow melting beside the house so he could have a little patch of grass to run back and forth on.
9. for starting out as a town cat, he was quiet the mouser. while his sissy was out on some big adventure. he would patiently sit just inside the edge of the hay field or garden.  and i mean patiently. for hours.
10. he loved my lap. besides how he talked to us, i will miss this the most.
as i sat here at the computer, if i didn't notice him, he would make his noise and then stretch out his legs and put his paws on my leg until i backed up in my chair and made room for him.  i watched countless hours of tv over the years with my little buddy on my lap.  if i was content to sit. he was content to stay with me.
a couple of nights back, friday night. his sister for some reason-she never does this-crawled up on my lap. he was not happy. and came back several times to see if she was still there. i finally moved her off to go upstairs, i wasn't on the couch for two seconds before he was in my lap. i'm sure he gave sissy a "take that" sigh as he drifted off to sleep.
11. his long hair got clumpy in the spring. he hated to have his coat brushed. he would tolerate it just so long then he would wiggle out of my grasp.
12. when he was a town cat. he was on a tether on the clothesline. even tho he was fixed, i didn't want him running around town as he pleased.  well if he happened to sneak out the door while it was opened, we coaxed him back by shaking the cat treat container. we used that often over the years to locate him. 
well he turned this into going to the treat cupboard every time he came back into the house.  someone asked me "who had who trained?" he would go to the sliding door to be let out, go to the edge of the deck, turn around and come back in and head to the treat cupboard. and momma would give him a treat. always.
13. he was spoiled. he could be outside, sitting on the edge of the field or in another part of the house. all he would have to do was hear you open "the drawer", and he knew the drawer sounds, to the can opener. he would come on a dead run to the house-he knew you were making something to eat and he wanted to know what it was.  he never came running for the silverware drawer or the handiwrap drawer. huh?
and he would sit there and meow at you until you acknowledged him. or he would rub up against your legs being oh so affectionate. i love you momma, i love you daddy...what cha making?
14. he had a british accent when we talked for him. "oh bother"
15. he turned his daddy into a cat lover when he didn't know he was one. and he has broke his daddy's heart too,now that he is gone.
this has helped. writing these things down.
if you have made it this far, bless you. i didn't intend it for readers as much as i need it for me.
i came home tonight and went right out to where he is buried. and talked to him. and i cried some more.
i didn't think a person had that many tears in them...but i do.
this summer he will be in the shade of the ferns...a place he always loved to lay.
he would come out all warm and fuzzy from sleeping and smell of lemon from the plants planted there.
we all miss him terribly...
 this morning, brother matthew sat out on the porch and had his bowl of cereal with him. 

it is going to take a long time to heal from this little creature.
i love you blue bear.

just BE.

Monday, March 26, 2012

...forever blue...

please let me.
start out by saying.
i realize.
there are much worse things.
that are happening.
out in this big world.
i know this to be true.
and I am sorry for those things.
i understand.
but today.
my world.
without much warning.
i've spoken of blue.
that is his story.
one i know i've recited many times.
to my patient's.
just recently, in fact,
 about a week ago.
his story ended.
we don't know why.
i got up yesterday morning.
and he did not greet me.
he is always ready to get outside.
especially when the sun is shining.
but he didn't come to me.
i made coffee.
I started the computer.
i went out and took my Sunday morning pictures.
no blue.
i went through the house looking for him.
in all the usual spots.
finally found him in big brother kiel's room.
not really wanting to interact.
i checked on him several times.
he moved from this spot to that one.
on his brother's bed.
he even came up stairs.
to lay under our bed.
another spot he likes.
but soon again, he was back in.
the comfort and quiet of.
brother's room.
he did not come up to beg.
for hamburger.
as he always does whenever i open.
the crisper drawer of the refrig.
i knew he wasn't feeling well.
i took him some water.
before i was going to head to bed.
he didn't look up at me.
i spilled the water.
knowing he would be mad at me.
he didn't care.
i cleaned it up and set the bowl in the hall.
he looked up.
when i came back in.
but quickly put his head back down.
the silence, from the absence of his purr,
was deafening.
the moment your hand touched his head.
he would always be purring.
not this time.
i got down.
close to his face.
and i told him.
that we loved him.
and that i would see him later.
he did not move.
from the way.
i left him last night.
my heart is broken.
how do you go from saturday night.
laying on my lap, fine.
to today.
i can't remember.
when i have cried so much.
remember  yesterday.
when i spoke of life.
in my post.
 about how it tries to get in the way.
i am not being strong today.
i am not putting on my happy face today.
i am not saying to anyone.
it's gonna be okay.
because today.
because at this moment.
i miss my blue bear.
and it's not okay.
and i am not going to pretend it is.
i love you blue bear.

Sunday, March 25, 2012


manual playing around
 and auto focus.
i have work to do with manual.
perhaps i should take some classes.

that's been one of my mantras - focus and simplicity.
 simple can be harder than complex:
 you have to work hard 
to get your thinking clean to make it simple. 
but it's worth it in the end
because once you get there,
 you can move mountains.
steve jobs

my thoughts today.
as i was doing my.
usual Sunday morning thing.
was on focus.
focus in my photography?...
focus on my journey?...
just trying to stay focused.
on my thoughts.
sometimes, is overwhelming.
as i searched.
for what others.
said about focus.
i found this by steve jobs.
because i am.
all about.
just BEing.
his focus and simplicity.
spoke to me.
i get it.
it's the action part that's the hardest.
tries to take the focus.
it is hard sometimes.
to keep focused.
no doubt.
but when you make the choice.
it's oh so worth it.
welcome to coffee hour.
welcome to this Sunday morning.
just BE.

Saturday, March 24, 2012 catch yourself...

“well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair,
 and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards,
but at the last instant you catch yourself?
 that's how I feel all the time”
stephen wright

i have a couple.
of new items.
for sitting on the porch with.
this is a wonderful rocker.
i brought it out during.
our 80 degree temps.
but put it back when rain.
was in the air.
i see many content moments.
ahead for me.
as i rock.
with my coffee.
and just breathe in the day.
for more shadows.
happy 'moment savoring' weekend.
just BE.

Friday, March 23, 2012

...beyond layers-blue and red...

blue. thursday.
red. friday. 
we are like chameleons,
 we take our hue and the color of our moral character,
 from those who are around us.
John Locke

a week of color.
what a fun week.
i think.
because it is friday evening.
i will partake.
in a glass.
but of white tonight.
have an awesome weekend everyone.
just BE.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

...beyond layers-pink...

~ "Pink is not just a color its an attitude." -- Anonymous 

pink is the color.
for today.
if there is one thing.
i am not.
is a pink girl.
i have a journal.
that's pink.
a couple of books.
including this one. 
that has the pink ribbon marker.
and my daughter's scrapbooks.
that's it.
i've never been a girly-girl.
how about you?
just BE.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

...beyond layers-yellow...

 that pours over everyone I love.
Conor Oberst

just BE.

...texture tuesday...

daughter is the happy memories of the past,
 the joyful moments of the present, 
and the hope and promise of the future. 
-- author unknown 

it's time for another Texture Tuesday
Here are this week's TT challenge details.
  • Share a black and white image, processed with any of my textures. That's it...that's all.
it is so.
with greyday texture.
this is daughter sarah.
a heavenly beauty.
that walks on this earth with me.
she is beautiful inside and out.
we had a long chat.
last night about her changing her major.
she was headed to social work.
but is now thinking.
occupational therapy.
either way.
she will be a true blessing to her profession.
i love you sis.
just BE.

Monday, March 19, 2012

...beyond layers-green...

“if the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy,
 if a blade of grass springing up in the fields
 has power to move you,
 if the simple things in nature have a message you understand,
 rejoice, for your soul is alive.”
elenora duse
this week is.
about color.
you guessed it.
i was on the ground.
capturing something else.
when this blade of grass.
just happened to be.
i love it.
it is my submission.
i hope something.
had the power to move you.
just BE.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


“the closest to being in control we will ever be is in that moment that we realize we're not.”
brian kessler

"life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns.
 hop off the straight and narrow whenever 
you can and take the winding paths.
 experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. 
because the moments spent there,
 that take your breath away,
 are what make you feel truly alive."
~stacey charter

one moment 
in time
where it all seemingly
stood still.
their moments had all led to this one.
yesterday at the breslin center in lansing.
congratulation to the morely stanwood lady mohawks
and coach bob raven. 

i have looked.
at this rock.
i have thought.
it would be perfect.
for this.
when i was still in this house.
as a young girl.
i don't remember my age.
mom and i went and dug up ferns.
and planted them here.
as a grown girl.
living in this house.
i love to watch.
these ferns spring up.
with their fuzzy little heads.
that look like aliens.
they will grow around.
this stone.
with my mantra.
this has been a wonderful.
moment weekend.
i hope for you as well.
welcome to coffee hour.
welcome to this Sunday morning.
just BE.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

...things were being looped around...

ec.lec.tic  [ih-klek-tik]

selecting or choosing from various sources.
made up of what is selected from different sources.

i really enjoyed the sort of real crazy,
 eclectic layering stuff
 and how it all worked together.
 i could tell it was some of it was derivative of something. 
i could tell that certain 
things were being looped around
 and i just really enjoyed the way that it all came together.
Eric San

that is me today.
one subject.
from various.
i am usually.
a one shadow girl.
but not today.
this has been a beautiful week.
of sun and warm temps.
even left the kitchen window.
open last night.
woke up to fifty-five degrees this morning.
living in the moment .
while it lasts.
happy, live in the moment, weekend.
just BE.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

...week nine-beyond layers...

i think because it was an emotional story,
and emotions come through much stronger in black and white.
color is distracting in a way,
it please the eye
but doesn't necessarily reach the heart.
kim hunter

week nine.
mess around with black and white.
black and white.
fitting for an expired.
black eyed susan.
i had my 18-55mm lens.
i so love that for close ups.
i was holding this b.e.s. 
between my fingers.
because it was very windy.
what a fun project.
can't wait to see.
the tricks kim has in store for us.
this week for black and white.
(thank goodness it's thursday eve.)
one day closer to the weekend.
just BE.