Wednesday, May 3, 2017

...if nothing ever changed...

Posting again...
I am.
I am looking inside.
I am awakening.
This is my story.
The journey is a simple one.
The journey is to just BE.
Unfortunately there are roads blocks.
Good and bad.
Good makes a person content.
Bad makes you work harder.
This past April (2016), I had an “episode” of anxiety, panic.
Where I didn't feel I could breathe.
Which lead to panic and anxiety when trying to go to sleep.
Sleep did not happen, pacing did.
After about a week, I went to a walk in clinic.
"Everything seems okay, here is a fast acting inhaler."
Okay good. But just a band-aid.
Enough of one so I slept a little better that night.
Another week goes by.
It continues, anxiety and pacing at night.
I am breathing, I know that I'm breathing.
But I can't catch my breath.
After sitting out, all day in the fresh air, watching my son play baseball.
I keep trying to breathe, catch my breath, get my lungs full to the top.
In the open, vast sky. I couldn't “breathe.”
I had my husband take me to the ER.
My blood pressure, because I had myself so worked up...was 151/101.
Not good.
All sorts of tests run, chest xray etc, etc.
My tests are all normal.
My BP is back to within normal limits.
"Here are two ativan."
To help “calm me” so I can sleep.
“get a stress test done.”
I had been keeping track of my BP.
I had some spikes but basically within normal limits.
I go to see a Dr. for the stress test referral.
I explain to the nurse what I've been experiencing. She totally understands.
I see the Dr. I explain what I've been experiencing
He doesn't feel I need a stress test.
“Just breathe into your hands.” “You are hyperventilating.”
NO I AM NOT HYPERVENTILATING!!
I had been taking an “anxiety” pill at night, which I got from my mom, so I could sleep.
I continued to do that until I could get into my gynecologist whom I usually see for
“Women's Health.”
I explain my difficulties to him.
He is not happy that I am taking the pills from my mom.
All said and done. My diagnosis is Hashimoto.
And a script for an anti-depressant.
10 mg. Most people take 7.5 mg
Anti-depressant...REALLY?
I'm one of the most positive people I know!!
What did the anti-depressant do for me?
It made me not want to get out of bed in the morning. My anti-depressant was making me depressed.
So, I weaned myself off of it.
I may have some night's of panic, like claustrophobic panic.
But I can talk myself out of it.
"Sa-Ta-Na-Ma"
Focus.
“you are breathing.”
“just breathe.”
“just BE.”
and I am out of it.
And I fall asleep.
So.
What next?
Find out why we get lumped into categories.
Why do we just put band-aids on the problem.
"treat the symptoms...not the problem."
“Here's a pill.”
No.
Stop.
My journey!!!...remember?
...just BE.
Take charge of me.
“Look outside, dream.”
“Look inside, AWAKEN.”
Wake up call.
 If not now, when?
I choose taking care of me.
Why has the gorgeous head of hair I had until my mid 30 left me?
Thyroid? Maybe. Good possibility.
Coloring the gray? Maybe.
So...I stopped coloring.
I'm 52. I am embracing the gray.
...just BE.
I've been taking ItWorks products for a year.
It's working. What I've been doing is working.
I am taking ItWorks Confianza.
for anti-stress...it is working!!
I signed on as a Distributor with ItWorks Global in Feb. So I can reap the benefits.
My journey is ever evolving.
...just BreathE.
What about you?
"If nothing ever changed,
there'd be no butterflies."
Be a butterfly!!
...just BE.
 robin.

2 comments:

bettyl-NZ said...

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but at least now you know what's going on. I had radiation for Graves' but I know it's not the same as Hashimoto's. There's a great page on Facebook called Hypothyroid Mom that has some awesome info about both diseases https://www.facebook.com/HypothyroidMom/.

robin. said...

Thank you Bettyl-NZ. It was not about a diagnosis as much as the handing out of the pill prescriptions without addressing the problem. The problem is the thyroid, which is the problem for many chronic illnesses that we get lumped into. I have found Anthony Williams - Medical Medium who is amazing. I am helping to heal my thyroid instead of taking an antidepressant for it. Life is beautiful...thanks for sharing the FB page.